So I'm starting another blog. . .

Here I am again. Starting another blog with a head full of exciting ideas about what it could become. It's that kind of thing where you can't focus on anything else and you can't sleep and you can't complete the other tasks on your to-do list until you get going on it. It's so exciting!

And yet I'm full of hesitation and anxiety too. Why? Because every time I do this, I spend hours and hours finding just the right domain name, getting all the colors and layout right, finding awesome graphics to make the blog really pop with that special something. And then I write my first entry or two, add a description, and perhaps even carefully draft an "about me" page or fill the sidebars with lots of great links and information. And then, when the excitement and thrill of the idea has worn off, and I've used up the initial burst of energy driving me to start this new project, I drop it. Totally.

Oh I may come back for a few days or from time to time for a few weeks or even months, writing an entry here and an entry there. I may daydream about all the great ways to expand what I've done, add new ideas, connect to other similar blogs and so forth. But that all starts sounding a little too much like hard work instead of fun. It starts to get boring. So - meh - I move on to something else new and exciting like organizing all of the books on my shelves by topic. Or color. Or size. Even better - I totally re-arrange all the furniture in my living room, because after all, the way it's set up now really isn't working perfectly for us and there has to be a better way.

Hahaha. . . it makes me laugh just writing that because it's so ridiculously true! It's why I loved my Mom so much, because she was full of energy and fun and new ideas and. . . but I digress, that's a whole other topic for another day. . . better get back to this one. . . 

Anyway, you get the idea, right? You may even see something of yourself in this little tidbit of a story. Or maybe you see your spouse, or your sister, or your best friend in these lines. We're talking about a way of looking at the world - a world full of exciting and dramatic twists and turns - a way of "being" that sees potential in everything for a new adventure. A new way of learning, a new way of doing things, a great idea that will turn your life around and fix a problem that needs solving. That is, until something else comes along to take it's place!

This is the world I live in. A fascinating world of distractions! Each one bigger and better than the last. And strewn along my path are the skeletons and leftovers of previous pursuits. Sometimes I find an old idea and start looking through the binder I created, the blog I started, the pages of outlines or charts that I carefully labored over, and I think to myself: "Wow, this is really good! Why did I quit working on this?" I might even revive it for awhile and try to apply it to my life again. But it won't last long. I've learned that this is the one consistent thing I can always count on - change. 

My mother-in-law was visiting and helping me one time after I had a new baby. She was looking around the kitchen trying to find something, and she quipped something along the lines of: "The one thing that I can always count on when I visit you is that nothing will be where it used to be!" Hahaha, I had to laugh because she hit the nail right on the head. It's the truth! I love to reorganize my cupboards to make it work better than it did before. I love to rearrange the furniture to find the perfect layout. And believe it or not, I even enjoy moving, because it is so fun to find a new house with quirky things that I have to find solutions to so that it will work for our family. And moving all the stuff and meeting new people and having a new environment - it's all so stimulating and fun!

Believe it or not, I have lived for over 4 decades and I'm only now really figuring this out about myself. I mean, sure I knew that I loved to start new things, and that I'm good at diving into something new and getting it all planned and organized and then dropping it. But I never really saw the pattern and started to understand  it and appreciate it. Until now.

This is a game-changer for me. Up until now it was just part of my personality and interests. Not necessarily a drawback or a blessing. It was just there - such a part of my life that I couldn't see it for what it was. But now something has clicked. Something is different. Now I am so fascinated with this view of my life that I can hardly contain the possibilities ahead of me for understanding myself better and figuring out how I can make my life better through strategies that work *with* my mind instead of against it.

If you find something of yourself in what I have written so far, you will probably know what I mean when I say that I love self-help kinds of books. The kind that describe a problem and give a fail-proof method to organize things better and/or "fix" the problem. These are so fun to read and implement! And I can't tell you the countless number of times I have found "the solution" to something, and then spent hours and hours planning and scheming and getting ready to implement this new idea, only to drop it after a few weeks in favor of something else more entertaining or that meets my needs better. Until I find another idea. . . or two. . . or three. . . there's always something new going on at my house! 

It used to bother me and I would feel discouraged or disappointed in myself because it seemed like such a waste of time. I felt like a failure for not sticking with it longer. Why didn't that system work for me? I figured it must just be lack of discipline and if I tried harder, I could find *the* answer that solved everything. And then I'd happily apply that forever and my life would be so calm and under control and I would be such a great daughter/sister/student/wife/mother/worker/fill-in-the-blank-here-with-every-role-I've-ever-had. . . I just needed to keep searching until I found "it".

But I started to see after awhile that there was no "it". I learned to accept the change and roll with it. I learned that it works better for me to set up a job system for my kids, for instance, and follow it religiously for a few months, and then change it up to get everyone, including myself, excited about our jobs again. There's always a new approach that will help us feel energized and excited about those repeating mundane tasks that we need to master in order to truly reach our greatest potential. For someone like me, there isn't a "right way" to do something that I can research, implement, and then continue it the rest of my life. It just wouldn't work. Why? Because I would get bored and then it wouldn't work anymore. But that's okay! Maybe the solution IS the change. Something new to add variety and joy to what could otherwise be a life full of same-ness, repetitiveness, and drudgery - and where's the fun in that?

Wow, I thought it would be hard to write about this, but I decided to force myself to do one "Pomodoro" of work on this entry (see Pomodoro Technique Illustrated: Can You Focus - Really Focus - for 25 Minutes? ) and then I would stop no matter what and get to bed since it's past midnight. But wow, once I get going, there's no stopping me! And there's so much more to say! But I am going to be good this time - I am going to stick to my plan and stop now and write more about this tomorrow. Well. . . I suppose I *will* have to proofread real quick before I publish it. . . so I guess I'll have to do *just one more* Pomodoro to finish up, and THEN I'll get to bed. I promise! Unless I have to do just one more after that. . . oh boy, I'd better stop now while I'm trying to be committed, haha.

Honestly, I've only just begun to figure out what this blog will be about, and I am so excited and hopeful that it will be helpful to others who find themselves looking for answers about how to finally get some control over a thrilling and fascinating life that is full of stressors because of the chaotic nature of it all. But we don't want to gain too much control, because honestly, that wouldn't be any fun, now would it? ;)

Come join me on my quest as I figure out what makes a mind full of jumbled joy tick tock from day to day! Come with me to discover the world of what I'm calling "Jumbled Sunshine"! Maybe you'll find your own jumbled bit of sunshine too.

ps- I spent one more 25-minute period of time (a Pomodoro), and then I did just a few more minutes. . . but I'm shutting this off NOW. Cross my heart!